Avoiding someone’s negativity from affecting you

All right, I understand you’ve had a hard day or something has definitely gone wrong.  We all have stress, anxiety, illnesses, family issues, work, and worries and then I’m having to deal with someone else’s problems and negativity.  What is going on here?

Sometimes, it’s too much to bear.  Day in and Day out,  you got this person in your life who seems to be negative all the time.  This person may be a loved one, a co-worker, an employee, a friend or a spouse.  You get to the point of asking yourself, what happened to you, why are you always so negative?”

There are times we think about it and our thoughts are random, and we try to make sense of it all.  I mean, we don’t desire your crappy attitude. You shape up or do something about it. Right? Yet, they never do. They are stuck in a rut.

I know that we all go through stuff and life isn’t fair.  Some seem to have it better, while you struggle like crazy. You feel like you got the short end of the stick.  Ok, maybe, maybe not. While you deal with this person, how can you not let it affect you?  You do the best to maintain a positive attitude daily. You look at the best in the days ahead. You deal with your own issues, and while some have its stress you are able to keep your head above deep waters.  Then, you have to deal with this negative person… We have all been there. We all have had negative situations hurt us sometime in our lives. Others may have had it worse than us. We understand things happen. Yet, why doesn’t everybody understand this? Why put everybody through hell?   Keep your negativity to yourself.

What can we do and how can you stop it from affecting us?

To begin the process of learning how to shield ourselves, we need to do the following stuff to stay sane. Here are a few ideas to try:

• Pray – Prayer brings you closer to our creator, our heavenly Father.  As a spiritual person, you will practice this on different levels as the week or time progresses. Some of your prayer time may be longer than others and go ahead pour your burdens on Christ for he said in, ” Matthew 11:29 he said, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. In  Matthew 11:30  Jesus said, “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”     Also, in prayer we can ask for strength  – Psalm 46:1  God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

 

• Meditate – Prepare yourself mentally. You can combine this with prayer.  This allows you to focus and redirect your thoughts.  It helps you to become more aware of your surroundings.  It helps you to release tension and increase concentration.  Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 

• Sing –   Singing uplifts your soul.  It’s a mood lifter upper – it makes you feel good and happy.   They say, that singing releases endorphin, which is the brain food to make you feel happy. It helps to release stress and improves mental alertness.    According to Psalm 33:3  Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.  There is no reason that you can not play music and shout for joy!   Pick music that is uplifting and inspiring to your spirit, mind, and soul.

 

•  Activity –  Physical activity helps you physically as we all know it, but it affects your mood and mind.   It makes you feel alive, it improves positivity. It helps you sleep better, it helps your cognitive well being, and in addition, it produces neurotrophins, which aid in the boosting of the information process and our mood.

Okay, we got the idea on how to shield ourselves from negativity, and now, how do we handle negative people?   You already tired positive speech and actions, but they still keep going.  What now? There are different approaches for different people. It all depends on who is in charge and how you are connected to them.

 

Co-Worker(s):   You got to love them, really.  You spend 40 hours or more with that person.  It’s your job, it’s not like you can just them to get lost. Right?  Well, as you work with somebody who is negative all the time…. remember; 1) they are not your friends.  This person will stop talking to you as soon as you leave the job, so  2) don’t get mixed up emotionally with the confusion that they are.  3) Don’t allow their problems to become yours. keep your distance emotionally, shield your mind. 4) Identify what type of person they are.  Understand, that many of their issues are rooted deeply from their childhood years.   Some of them will require inner healing or professional help.

There are several different attributes for different folks.  1) The working professional victim.  They fail to complete their job task and they develop excuses to make people feel sorry for them by always complaining about the same thing over and over until you give in. Then, you become the instigator when you challenge them, supposedly.    2) The sabotager – they feel threatened by you, while you are just minding your own business, doing your own work they do things to attack you behind your back.   They don’t want you to succeed nor to get noticed by your superiors.  During their sabotage, they are always the office hero to the rescue when something goes wrong. After all, they are the ones who sabotaged your efforts. 3) The gossiper – They are always speaking to someone about somebody else. Just realize, that as freely as they talk about others, they talk about you as well.  To stop any gossip, you can not repeat any of it. Keep it to yourself.  The thing about gossipers is that if you tell them to keep their mouths shut, they will turn others against you.  So, just keep a silent distance. If it gets out of control, speak to management. Otherwise, deal with on your own. Be wise as serpents but gentle as doves   Matthew 10:16.  And in Titus 1:15-16 – Unto the pure all things [are] pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving [is] nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.

Friends:   It is stated in Proverbs 18:24  One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  Friends are awesome, loving, and they are treasures.  Yet, they seem to lose their grip in life themselves and become prey to the spirit of negativity.  How can we help our friend when we have our own craziness going on?  In  Proverbs 27:10  Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.  A real friend is always there for you no matter what.  As I said, true friends are a treasure.  They do care and will extend themselves in whatever happens.  As a friend, give them advice, give them money if needed and don’t expect to get paid back, give them love, and be there for them. Your support means everything to them.  Help guide them out of the situation they are in by also giving sound advice.   If they are suffering from some form of addition, then consider getting professional help for them.

Spouse:  This is a tough one because they are the closest one to you.  It is stated in Hebrews 13:4-6  Marriage should be honored by all. and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. [[5] Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” [6] So we say with confidence, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can a mere mortal do to me?”  It is interesting that after the bedroom comment then it mentions money?  To tell you the truth, that the lack of money, it seems to bring a negative attitude in our spouses.  At times we can blame their work, and at times it can be some other active situation. However, spouses can be pretty good when they have a job and money.  It is difficult when a spouse becomes a negative sour person.  If a spouse tries to discuss the matter, hell breaks loose.

Many times, a spouse doesn’t want to talk or discuss it for that matter.  If you are in a relationship with someone who has a negative personality, you are not responsible for making them feel better. However, here are some things you can do to help your partner be more positive: So, what can we do?   1) Don’t take it personal 2) Their problem may not be relationship issue 3) Spend time with positive friends 4) invite your spouse into active lifestyle 5) acknowledge your spouse’s accomplishments or efforts 6) Don’t be afraid to say “stop” when they are acting negatively 7) Don’t be afraid to bring correction through sound advice 8) Don’t avoid or ignore them 9) Continue your regular routine.  9) If money is the cause, help them understand that all your needs are been met and that they should be content in what you do have.  Others are not as fortunate as you are.   If these do not help, then you may want to consider professional help.

Friends, we can not make everybody happy, and you can take the horse to water, but you can not force them to drink.  Remember, that we can not be the savior for many, yet, we can be there to help in their troubles.    The best advice to stay above and not sink with the boat;  is to know when it’s just a tough time for this person or if it’s a spiritual concern.

Spiritual concerns can be contagious and afflicting.  Talk to your local Pastor for guidance.  Should you desire, you can email me at “gracie_kfcwe@hotmail.com.”

Gracie Renteria, Co-Pastor