Refreshing the heart

It’s such a wonderful feeling when you’re all in love, and the romance is all fuzzy and warm. You have your first school crush then eventually you grow up and find your soul mate. You plan for your wedding day, and the excitement is all there. You are having fun with making the arrangements, and finally, the wedding you have imagined is here. After your wedding day, you head out to your vacation destination and you’re all lovey-dovey then bang! The moment to consecrate your vows has arrived. It’s all wonderful and maybe it’s not all that you expected.

Then after a couple of months or maybe after a couple of years, you realize you need some time alone, but your spouse doesn’t. What now? You want to go somewhere with your siblings or go shopping. You love your spouse but you are needing some desperately “me” time alone. What are you gonna do? There is nothing wrong with having some time alone or with friends and family. We all can use our time apart. Many say that the time of separation is good for you and your partner. Absence makes the heart grow more founder, right?

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Ephesians 5:33, “let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

The bible does say in Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. We know that we are loved by our spouses, yet, some of them don’t want any time apart. Is it jealousy, mistrust, control, I mean why can’t they let us spend some time alone as we go to the market, shopping, having dinner with friends or family. Why not? If they love us, a couple of hours won’t hurt, right? That time can do wonders for us, and for them too. They benefit as well, when we come home, we are happy and more appreciative of them. It’s because we refresh our minds and souls. That separation of a couple of hours gave us a new appreciation of our quality time together with our partners. As Paul wrote, “let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

If a couple is always fighting, and stressing out is beyond our emotional processing. You can surely go alone and get a cup of coffee or with a best friend or sibling to destress. If your fighting all the time, eventually, you’re given in to whatever is happening and you begin to react the same way towards your spouse – fighting is a two-way street and it doesn’t make it a right. Go ahead, take a leave of absence during your auguring go visit your mama. Take that break. Things will cool off and you’ll be more clear-headed to discuss any issue.

Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.“

If we, as a couple are to be together all the time and dealing with fights after fights it creates a broken heart, a broken spirit because there is no space to clear our views or mind… it clouded judgment. We need some air! Our hearts can only bear so much. Let us have our space – We need air to think! We want to enjoy our time with our spouses, but it can be pretty boring or stressing after a while especially if you don’t have any outside activities or other conversations on other things. If your spouse finds them boring, then what do you talk about? It is important to develop a mutual ground of interest towards each other. Develop a mutual fun activity that brings your time together and this can create a refreshing way to pull you out of stress. Just because one needs time alone once in a while does not mean that a person wants a divorce – it just means I need to refresh – clear my mind “because we are killing ourselves over tedious meaningless situations.”

The World Economic Forum is the International Organization for Public-Private Cooperation at https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2018/10/divorce-united-states-dropping-because-millennials/ they state that “The US divorce rate began falling in the early 1990s and has since continued on an overall downward trend. In 1992, there were 4.8 divorces per 1,000 population. By 2016, this had dropped to 3.2. The falling divorce rate may have a lot to do with millennials’ attitudes to marriage. Analysis of American Community Survey (ACS) data by Philip Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, suggests young people are doing things differently to previous generations. Unlike baby boomers who married young regardless of their circumstances, millennials – and some Gen Xers – are choosing to marry once they have completed their education, have established their careers and have sound finances.” Well, is this great news or what? I was thinking it was going down because many are choosing to live together instead of tying the knot. Go figure…

When one is feeling tied down because they can not have a moment alone is very straining to one’s health. They begin to feel encaged, overwhelmed, suffocating, and much more that it begins to wear down one’s mind. When one is happy, it helps the marriage overall. In Proverbs 17:22 it states, ” A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” It helps to be happy. Having a crushed spirit is futile. It leads to depression, anxiety, stress, unhappiness, hopelessness, and possibly divorce. Now, remember, Romans 14:1 Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.

Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

Love can do strange things to people. Yet, we all need to understand that love is honorable – we are to honor one another. It’s not about who is in charge, in control, or who is the aggressor. Love is mutual respect.

1 Peter 3:7: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Taking time out does not mean, you or your partner are not loved. It just means you need time to clear your mind – to be more clear-minded in the situation that is bringing a wedge between you both. It’s good to separate for a while – you can go to another room, go visit mama, visit a friend, or simply just go to the park for a walk.

Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Time apart is a blessing – it clears the air, the mood, and most of all it refreshes your relationship.

Pastor Gracie Garcia-Renteria Kingdom Faith Church